she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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