Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
