sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize