No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
