Buhtt sex?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
