Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
