he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
