I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
