Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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