i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He called his prostate his "boner button".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
