just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
