Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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