i just google imaged poop.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
