I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i think im in europe. pls send help
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
