Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
