You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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