I heard we made out
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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