I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
