Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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