Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
