I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
