He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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