umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
