Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize