I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
