Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
