your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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