tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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