there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
