Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
