wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ketchup is God's man juice
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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