eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
