Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
