Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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