I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
