Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
