that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
