i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
