You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
soo... how was my night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
