Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
