Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
