haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
