I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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