I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
