the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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