at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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