Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
