the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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