No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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