Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
