God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
