the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
