Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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