I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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