Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
