im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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