If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
