I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
