dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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