I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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