the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I FOUND THE LEGS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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