she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
