So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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