hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
