i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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