I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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