so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize