Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need help removing her.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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