Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize