i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
