I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
