We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
