Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i will never coherently bang her
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm at about main and main street
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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