I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
