i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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