i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize