I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
