PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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