i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
