How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
