You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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