i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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