He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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