ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
