Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
