Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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