i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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