Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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