I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
