WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
