So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
