what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
