Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just high enough for therapy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
