Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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