We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
