Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
