She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
