Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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