I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
