I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
