I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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